This article is
related with a delicate subject that requires discussing the facts in depth. Hence the length of this article may seem a bit
more than that of the usual articles I write.
Even then I hope you would find it worthwhile.
Gone are the days when people believed “marriages are made
in heaven and solemnized on earth.” Yes
those days the life was simple. Those
were the days when we were small kids and then we saw our parents and those old
couples of today nurturing their bonds with the time and that bond remained strong
till today. But then why did it change so dramatically in last about one or one and half decades? The answer is not that difficult to find if
we think about it rationally.
Let us remember our childhood days. For those who are in their late twenties to thirties,
they must agree that in those days, we used to be least hooked up to Television
Sets. In fact most of us were not having
Television sets at home. Those who had it ‘Doordarshan’ was the only
choice to view programs. Even if Zee TV and other TV channels were started, they were
available at cost that our parents were not so eager to bear, for priorities of
life were different then. There were no
Mobile sets, no Computers at home and no Computer games obviously. Watching old movies was a boring affair then,
which used to come on ‘Doordarshan’, the only public broadcaster. That too Sunday evening was fixed for
this. And by chance if it was a good movie,
around 20 minutes of commercial ads used to come before the start of the movie
unlike today when it comes in between the movie every few minutes. If one
had to watch new movies at home, they had to bring VCRs and Video cassettes at
home available on rent. So people could
afford it once in a month or so or on special occasions.
If you remember then the power cuts were normal events. And at evenings and nights during power cuts,
we used to be on our roof tops with full family together talking for hours,
with mothers putting the heads of their small kids on her lap, fathers telling
stories to their children under moon lights sitting on a mat. The whole family used to take their dinner
together sitting on the floor in folded leg positions. Mothers and sisters used to serve the males
and children first and when they used to finish then their turns used to come. There were no servants at home so every
member of the family used to contribute in household works. Males used to do works like buying grocery
items and vegetables etc. from market. Females did cooking, cleaning and
washing clothes. Head of the family was
the earning member, so no one dared to ask him about his decisions. Most of the family members were content in
whatever they were destined with. Complaints
were minimal and so the families were happy in the poverty as well.
There used to be some family occasions every year when
guests used to come to our homes, and similarly we also used to visit to our
relatives for few weeks. As small children
we were outgoing, we used to go for playing street cricket with plastic balls, playing
hide and seek, denga paani and such games every evening. Even at schools we used to play such games
after finishing our Tiffin. There was a
set pattern on which life was moving for all of us.
Our parents and elders were following a routine life. So, at the time of need, the family members
were always available for giving necessary support. Lethargy and depression were not so common
those days. Starting a family with marriage was not
thought a burden as there were other family members to support the couple at
every stage of life.
Weddings were long affairs where guests used to come well in
advance to celebrate the occasion. If
you remember during our parents’ younger days, traditionally it was the duty of
the parents of the girls to find a suitable groom for them. And then the favourite topic at home used to
be match-making for the growing girls in the family. Even relatives were quite supportive in
finding suitable grooms for them. Boys
and girls were not allowed to mix beyond the family, so there were lots of
curiosity in the minds of both boys and girls for each other. Before marriages hardly the boy and the girl
used to know each other. Even we hear
those days, girls and boys didn't see each other before marrying, forget about talking
to each other and asking each other’s likes and dislikes. In fact our fathers and their fathers all did
the same. So they did not know there can
be any other way of finding a match for themselves. This was traditionally followed and they
believe that once married, it was their destiny for the whole life.
I would not say that there were no marital discords
then. But I believe despite the
presence of marital discord, the tolerance level of both husbands and wives
were very high. Even there was a lot of
elders’ pressure and fear of the society that they did not allow the marital
discord to surface to a level those elders could know about. As a result, there were least cases of
marital breakups. Family was united and
sense of responsibility towards the children and parents prevailed.
Well this was the time when we were small kids or early
teenagers. But then came the time when
we started growing up fast and our parents were richer then before and their
affordability increased. Indian markets
were opened up for the western world.
They had in front the biggest market of the world to grab probably after
China, opened to push their products, starting with beauty products to packaged
food items and Cold drinks, ready-made dresses to watches, TV sets,
Refrigerators, Bikes and what not. To
sell these products to masses, TV channels were the biggest media for
advertisement. Many new TV channels were
started. Electronic goods were made
cheaper so that every household starts affording it. It was now the time when Color TV sets
started replacing the old Black and white TV sets in every household. There was no broadcast Control body then to
control what to show and what not to on these private TV channels. Fashion TV and many foreign TV channels
started screening nudity and vulgar sexual acts in movies and TV serials. It was a tactical move by those TV channels and
the promoters of those foreign companies who wanted to capture Indian markets to
change the established family values of Indian society.
Ultimately they succeeded in their strategy. People who were having a simple life style,
had time for each other in their families, became victim of those products and
the vulgarity shown on those TV channels.
The products which we never had any requirement of were made our necessities
with bursting of television ads as if without those our life style was not up
to the mark. Demands and expectations in
the family started creeping up and being content became a matter of past. If one demand was fulfilled, the other demand
popped up. It was a non-stop craving for
the things shown in those ads. It took
in its grip all generations, even the small kids.
This was the time when the demand of gender equality took
its strength. Women were more educated
and with the advent of foreign media in our household, its reflection started
pouring in our mindsets. Teenagers and
youngsters started asking for more personal space, freedom to explore new
things that included teenage love and associated physical intimacy. Computers and Internet were the biggest inventions
in these years. These brought revolution
at the work space. The job done by tens and
hundreds of workers started being done by a single computer. Complex calculations that required months and
lots of workers to prepare the reports were done at the click of the mouse,
rendering the workers having lots of time to spare for, during which they
started chatting at work place and watching adult contents on web-sites. This was not only limited with the office-goers,
in fact it spread like a wild fire and took students of all ages in their teen
age and above. While Metros and big
cities of India were the first to be affected, the other cities caught them up
a little later.
Well this made the little minds vulnerable and the innocence
of the teenagers started losing quite early.
Now this was a time when the insecurity started setting in the
personality of most of the teenagers due to the relationship issues at these
ages. Having a boyfriend or a girl
friend became a prestige issue in school and college campuses. Those not having a one were thought of an
outcast or someone who is a dumb. Breakups
during school and college days became common as the relationships at those ages
cannot be mature. Early indulgence in
sexual intimacy among teenagers let all hell break loose.
Today when a boy and a girl are in marriageable age, they
know everything that happens after a marriage and there happens to be no
secrets that they need to explore afterwards.
Physical intimacy in their previous relationships before marriage works
as cherry at the top of the cake. Those
relationships somehow or other keep coming to their minds. They compare their present partners with
their past ones and if they find the later less satisfying, the hell breaks
out. If the past relationships still
continue in some way, the present life partner if comes to know about that,
becomes another big reason for major marital discord.
Also due to pursuing higher studies, and the desire to first
settle in life with a prosperous career take long years for us after coming out
of campuses. This has pushed the age of
marriage for boys and girls by at least seven to ten years than our parents did.
This extension of marriageable age has led
to the maturity of mindset towards certain beliefs and pre-conditions, that
after marriage we want to put before our partners. We try them to adjust with those which they
mostly refuse to be accustomed to if they don’t like those. Similar level of education and job status
also keep their ego at odds. Small disputes
and minor differences in thoughts which can easily be avoided are allowed to
grow bigger due to egoism and undue interference of the family members of both
the sides (which earlier used to be constructive, now have become more of
destructive in nature.) Tolerance level
among young partners has come to the lowest levels. Single child in the family often are pampered
ones and so they are not much acquainted with the sheer realities of life. They are often found to lack sense of
responsibility towards others in the family.
On their marriage, the same does not easily change and so this often becomes
a matter of discord.
Working spouses often find less time at home. Researchers have proved that working spouses
often devote more time to their offices than they do at their home. In such a situation, they don’t find their
emotional and physical needs fulfilled at home.
More hours at work place often develop intimacy with the colleagues of
opposite sexes. As a result the happy
and sad moments of lives are more often seen to be shared by such working men
and women more at their workplaces than at their homes.
Children in such relations are often ignored and left at the
option of baby sitters, nannies and servants.
Later on they are admitted to boarding schools. And if not in boarding schools, still when
the children come from their schools, they find their parents home only at
nights when they come back from their offices.
Often quarrels are seen between the spouses on their children’s bringing
up. Often both of them try to blame each
other and try to shift the responsibility of bringing up the children on
other.
Often the spouses are found to play the blaming games to
hide each others’ faults. They quarrel
with each other as real enemies ready to harm each other to any extent. Due to nuclear families, hardly somebody
wants to take interest in mediating them as the family values, extended family
culture and visiting each others’ places as guests are almost matters of
past. As a result every day thousands of
cases of Domestic Violence, Dowry, and divorce are registered in Indian courts. These cases go on for years and lives of both
the warring partners go into doom as these cases are not solved in time.
Feeling the nerves of the current generation is the need of
the hour for our law makers and judiciary.
Now marriages are not made in heaven and solemnized on earth. In fact it is to be understood that it’s a relationship
of trust and values. And if one or both
of the partners have lost this, there should be a reconciliation process for
the same. As mature adults if they still
remain on warring path, let them be free for ever from the bond of marriage so
that their lives are saved and they can start their lives once again. Yes the children in those marriages should be
given proper care and for that both the spouses should be made responsible even
after the failure of their marriages.
Hope you liked this.
Give your valuable comments.
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मित्रों यदि मेरा यह पोस्ट आपके दिल को जरा भी छू कर गुजरा हो तो मुझे विश्वास है कि आप मेरे इस प्रयास को लाइक दे कर मुझे और भी अच्छा लिखने की प्रेरणा, स्नेह और आशीर्वाद देंगे। आप अगर मुझे मेरे फेसबुक प्रोफाइल पर फॉलो करते हैं तो आपको मेरे शेयर किये सारे पोस्ट्स आपके नोटिफिकेशन्स में मिलते रहेंगे।
